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Correction d'un essai d'anglais

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Dernière réponse : dans Etudes - Travail
15 Octobre 2009 21:31:20

Bonsoir,

J'ai un essai à faire en anglais et je l'ai montré à ma prof qui m'a dit qu'il y avait quelques erreurs de voix passive. Or je ne vois pas ce type d'erreur... pouvez-vous m'aider ? Voici mon essai :

Us, the teenagers, we can be influence everyday. The influence is an action exerted on somebody or something. To be precise, the peoples’ opinions influence us. But we can be influence too by our family, our friends, our religion, the media and so on. In fact, we are often influenced ! What influences we the most ?
First, I'd like to talk about the acquaintances’ influence. Secondly I'll talk about the technology’s influence. As a conclusion I'll give you my point of view.


At first sight the influence seems to be bad since we can be influenced by nasty person. For instance, this nasty person can intimidate us as a result we can make very stupid things.
But on second thought, the influence can be beneficial. Besides, nice peoples, like our friends or our family, can have a good influence on us. On the one hand, if we have a problem, they are here for support us. On the other hand, they can influence our choices.


Secondly, we can be influenced by the technology. For instance, an advertisement that show the latest phone can influence us to buy it whereas we don’t have money. Without the latest phone or the latest MP3, we are not in fashion whereas it’s not true !


In short, the influence can be negative but it can be positive too. For that matter, we saw previously there are good persons, even if some are wicked !

Merci !

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Meilleure solution

Anonyme
16 Octobre 2009 03:48:04

it is a very good test, you speak good English!

Us teenagers, we can be influenced every day (because everyday is as usual ... every day is every day). Influence is an action exerted on somebody or something. To be precise, the peoples' opinions influence us. But we can be too influenced by our family, our friends, our religion, the media and so on. In fact, we are often influenced! What influences us the most?
First, I'd like to talk about the influence of people. Secondly I'll talk about the influence of technology. As a conclusion I'll give you my point of view.


At first sight people's influences seem to be bad since we can be influenced by nasty person. For instance, this nasty person can intimidate us as a result we can make very stupid things.
But on second thought, influence can be beneficial. Besides, nice people, like our friends or our family, can have a good influence on us. On the one hand, if we have a problem, they are here for support us. On the other hand, they can influence our choices.


Secondly, we can be influenced by technology. For instance, an advertisement that shows the latest phone can influence us to buy it even if we do not have money. Without the latest phone or the latest MP3, we are not in fashion ... but it's not true!


In short, influences can be negative or they can be positive. This is because, as I said before, there are good people, even if some are wicked!
* * whereas it's more for direct comparisons ... Not just for this purpose as' julie likes fish, whereas tom does ... I do not know how to explain ... I am an Australian ... I do not know much French XD
partage
17 Octobre 2009 00:05:27

Thank you so much ! You're so nice ^^
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