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Rédaction en Anglais : pouvez vous me corriger ?

Dernière réponse : dans Etudes - Travail
20 Octobre 2009 19:32:19

Bonjour a tous , J'ai une rédaction d'anglais a faire , enfin , je l'ai déjà faite , pourriez-vous me corriger les fautes d'orthographe et de synthaxe S'il vout plait.
Il s'agit d'un vol et d'un crime , je dois utiliser le prétérit et le passé Be+Verbe-ing.

While I was going to school, I was waiting my bus at stationary. A very odd man arrived at stationary and sat next to a woman. He was wearing a black jacket and trousers, he was very strange. Suddenly , he stole the woman's bag and he started running. He shouted : " don't follow me, Or I will kill you ! ". Eventualy the woman caught the thief. But he was well prepared, he took his gun and he killed the woman. She was full of blood! I ran to help her but she was already dead. Unfortunately , the killer or the thief had already fled.
My bus passed while I was calling the police. So I arrived late to school.

J'ai lu cela à ma prof mais elle m'a juste dit qu'il y avait des fautes de synthaxe.
S'il vous plaiit aidez moi !!!!! :hello: 

Autres pages sur : redaction anglais pouvez corriger

20 Octobre 2009 21:09:10

love69500 a dit :
Bonjour a tous , J'ai une rédaction d'anglais a faire , enfin , je l'ai déjà faite , pourriez-vous me corriger les fautes d'orthographe et de synthaxe S'il vout plait.
Il s'agit d'un vol et d'un crime , je dois utiliser le prétérit et le passé Be+Verbe-ing.

While I was going to school, I was waiting for my bus at stationary at the bus stop/ bus station. A very odd man arrived at stationary and sat next to a woman. He was wearing a black jacket and trousers, he was very strange. Suddenly , he stole the woman's bag and he started running. He shouted : " don't follow me, Or I will kill you ! ". Eventualy the woman caught up with the thief, but he was well prepared: he took his gun and he killed the woman. She was full of blood! I ran to help her but she was already dead. Unfortunately , the killer or the thief had already fled.
My bus camewhile I was calling the police, so I arrived late to school.

J'ai lu cela à ma prof mais elle m'a juste dit qu'il y avait des fautes de synthaxe.
S'il vous plaiit aidez moi !!!!! :hello: 


Stationnary = stationnaire, immobile

Ensuite, pas grand chose de vraiment faux. A la limite tu peux faire un texte plus fluide en compressant tes phrases:
He came and the he started to run => he came and then started to run

Et en faisant attention: au lieu de separer 2 phrases dont l'action se suit, met une virgule et arrange ta phrase.
Utilise un peu mieux la ponctuation.

Ces petits points mis a part, l'anglais est bon. Apres, je n'ais pas verifie que tous les verbes respectent la consigne ...
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Meilleure solution

20 Octobre 2009 21:16:38

I was waiting for my bus to go to school. A very odd man arrived at the bus stop and sat next to a woman. He was wearing a black jacket and trousers, and seemed a bit stressed. Suddenly, the guy stole the woman's purse and started running. He shouted : "Do not follow me, or I will kill you ! ". Eventually the woman caught the thief. But he was well prepared and took his gun to shoot her. The poor lady crashed on the floor, blood flowing everywhere. I ran to help her but, too late, her heart stopped beating. When I turned back to stop the killer, but he was already very far away ...
This sad event made me miss the school bus. So, I arrived late to school.

:ange:  :na: 
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20 Octobre 2009 21:26:10

capirouette a dit :
I was waiting for my bus to go to school. A very odd man arrived at the bus stop and sat next to a woman. He was wearing a black jacket and trousers, and seemed a bit stressed. Suddenly, the guy stole the woman's purse and started running. He shouted : "Do not follow me, or I will kill you ! ". Eventually the woman caught the thief. But he was well prepared and took his gun to kill her. The poor lady crashed to the floor, blood flowing everywhere. I ran to help her but, too late, her heart had stopped beating. When I turned back to stop the killer, but he was already very far away ...
This sad event made me miss the school bus so I arrived late to school.

Lol :ange: 


Tres bien mais c'est pas tout a fait le meme texte. :D 
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21 Octobre 2009 19:19:26

Mercii beaucoooooup :D 
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